When I was a student I was constantly doing battle with male students, both left and right wing, not to be trivialised by having doors opened for me as if I were a poor weak little thing. You have no idea of the tricks they would play to get one over on me.
Sadly, the male of the species has used women's fight for independence to excuse bad manners - and indeed, some women have used rudeness and ungraciousness to refuse simple courtesies. Now people with walking sticks find themselves having doors left to crash into them, and those for whom doors are opened waltz through without making an acknowledgment, let alone giving thanks.
So, in my more mature years, I regard the opening of doors for others (ANY others) as mere good manners. But I have not lost sight of the supposed inferiority of the female that led to the patronisation of women in the first place.
I am glad to see that the problem has been the subject of thoughtful consideration for some time, as this passage from the book named in the title shows.
"I lament that women are systematically degraded by receiving the trivial attentions, which men think it manly to pay the sex, when, in fact, they are insultingly supporting their own superiority... S0 ludicrous, in fact, do these ceremonies appear to me, that I scarcely am able to govern my muscles, when I see a man start with eager, and serious solicitude, to... shut a door, when the lady could have done it herself, had she only moved a pace or two."
And the author of this wisdom? Mary Wollstonecraft (1759-97). Two hundred years ago she wrote her lengthy and erudite thesis on how women (and slaves, and the poor) responded to their treatment, and society's views of them, by conforming rather than by challenging. We don't appear to have caught up with her yet.
Mary WollstonecraftIn case the name sounds familiar and you can't place it, she married William Godwin, and produced a daughter, Mary Godwin, later Mary Shelley - wife of the poet and author of Frankenstein.
No shrinking violet there.
that was interesting. thanks val.x
ReplyDeleteI agree. As a matter of fact, the character of Bobby, who I adore, is always gracious in the opening of doors, standing when others leave the room, etc. and proof it is not meant to disregard any one's sufficiency. We, as feminists, have so misplaced the battle from where it should have been by all these little fighting distractions that we hop between, meanwhile the real issues sit where they have always been. All the misplaced fights do is drain the time and energy from the real ways women are degraded and disregarded. Sadness.
ReplyDeleteI was traveling on Sydney City bus, a young man stood up to give me his seat, I only had a couple of stops so said "Thank you but I'm OK", my daughter who was on the bus also insisted I take the seat. Then I noticed a sign that said "Please give your seat up to Disabled, Frail or Elderly passengers"..WTF.. I was not sure if I should have felt insulted or impressed by his courtesy.
ReplyDeleteAnd another thing - Why am I invisible ..Sydney Jewelery Shop waited patiently for Shopgirl to stop fiddling with display - walked over to daughter to come and see watch I was thinking of buying .. immediately Shopgirl comes over and asks my daughter if she help her..WTF2..
You gotta laugh .. otherwise its tears all round.
Thanks for that bit of information. No shrinking violet indeed!
ReplyDeleteRead, sistah!
ReplyDeleteI Like being treated with respect, but don't do me any favors just because you think my poor little body can't open a door.
ReplyDeleteWe feminist got our rights-- mostly, but I am afraid for many men it wasn't a concession that we are equal, but an excuse to be rude.
I hope I've brought my sons up to respect women and treat them with courtesy...but I also hope I've brought them up to see women as strong independent people, if that makes sense?
ReplyDeleteOK, beat me to death with a stick of celery, I LIKE having doors opened for me, and Detective Goren could open anything he liked.....
ReplyDeleteMy mom taught me to always hold the door for someone else. I am always shocked when I know the person in front of me knows I'm there, but they let the door slam shut in my face anyway. I hold it for men & women. The few men who do it, always comment after I thank them that they aren't sure if they should do hold the door, b/c they've been screamed at by women, 'I CAN DO IT MYSELF." It's just common courtesy.
ReplyDelete