An Interview with Vincent D'Onofrio

This interview took place in my bed - or in my head - or both - last night. It is hereby transcribed from the tape. Please do NOT ask for copies of the original soundtrack. Refusal often offends.

Val: Good evening, Mr D'Onofrio - or may I call you Vincent?
VDO: As long as I can call you Val.
Val: You can call me anytime... Er, sorry. Would it surprise you to learn, Vincent, that in VDO blogland there is fierce speculation about your python - that is...er... your endowment.
VDO: You mean..?
Val: How well you are endowed.
VDO: Well, you can check out for yourself Val, here, have a look.
(Sound of zip, rummaging in clothes, loud thud.)
VDO: Val, are you OK?
Val: Huh? What am I doing on the floor? Did I - faint?
VDO: When you looked at this, yeah.
(Sound of moan, thud. Slapping sound.)
VDO: Val, Val. (Sound of zip.) It's safe to wake up now.
Val: Right, sorry. Er. OK. How do you feel about the fact that you are widely regarded, not just as a remarkably fine actor, but as an Alpha Male and superhot sex god?
VDO: Well, what man wouldn't be flattered? I mean, the sex symbol thing is great, but you appreciate my acting, too? Wow! That deserves a reward. Switch off the tape recorder and let's liberate the python again.