French Lesson

Just to raise the intellectual level above the groin. (Or not, actually...)

Une oreille, le nez. le front.


La verge.





Les epaules.


Encore la verge.


Le poignet.


Les mains, les doigts, les ongles.


Le cou.


Le profil.


Les cils.



Did you get them all? No? Too busy just looking at the pictures? You're a hopeless case. Join the club!

It just occurred to me that I've been using the old Season 3 pictures, not the new ones from the recent DVD, so today we have the new bigger (!) Bobby.

Eggstremely Happy

I have eggcellent news about the hens.

Firstly, I have added an eggstension to their run so that they can have more space when I am unable to let them roam free.

I haven't really been looking in the nest box for eggs, since they are so out of condition they really should be off-lay. But lo and behold, at some point today one of the girls laid an egg, complete with feathers attached.

Can't wait for the next one, so I can fry them sunny side up and savour the flavour. Never had freshly laid egg before.

Mean and Moody

"Alex, I asked you not to eat curry when we're likely to be in the box with a suspect.""Sorry Bobby."


A huffy Bobby gives his Vixens a (luckily not rare) view of his mountainous back.


Bobby can barely contain his anger that Alex has now been eating garlic.


"What do you mean, the sun's not out? I'm just stylin'."


Sorry, I just included this for the EVERYTHING.


Shout at me like that and I'll do anything you say, Bobby.Don't shout at me like that and I'll still do anything you say!

Why?

I can never understand why it is that pissed off people who want to stick two fingers up at the world can't just top themselves instead of taking a bunch of others with them.

Yesterday a man in Cumbria in north-west England, instead of learning from previous murderous nutters, shot dead 12 people and injured 11 others - some critically - before turning the gun on himself.


His first victim was his own twin brother, the second a fellow cab driver. Then he just drove around randomly shooting people he came across in the beautiful Cumbrian countryside.

Cumbria is a quiet county where holidays-makers throng all year round. It contains the Lake District, now a country park, where Wordsworth lived and wrote some of his finest poetry.

It also contains Sellafield nuclear plant (previously Windscale, till it was renamed following one of the first nuclear accidents) which was shut down while the "incident" (which lasted 3 hours) was in progress. The local police force was under such strain that some of the nuclear plant's dedicated police team had to help out. Local radio broadcsast warnings for people to stay inside. The funeral of a schoolgirl killed last week in a school bus crash was disrupted when the mourners had to take cover.

Here is the man responsible - Derrick Bird. Congratulations, Derrick, you're famous now. Much good may it do your corpse.

Neighbours said he was a pleasant man, a loving grandfather.

And the owner of two legally held firearms. Despite a conviction for theft in the 1990s.

In the UK we have some of the tightest firearms controls in the world. This is only our fourth ever mass shooting. There were just 39 deaths by shooting in the UK last year. Gun ownership is tiny, and gun use is very strictly regulated - to the extent that our Olympians have to train abroad.

SO WHY DID A CAB DRIVER NEED A LICENCE FOR TWO LETHAL WEAPONS? AND WHY DID THE LOCAL CONSTABULARY LET HIM HAVE THAT LICENCE, THEN LET HIM RENEW IT YEAR AFTER YEAR?

Sweet Dreams

The romance between Bobby and Val continues.

Puzzled, Bobby tries to decipher Val's love note.


He looks over his shoulder to make sure no one else is watching.


Det. Goren tries to control his urge to punch Dr Lingard for cussing Val.


Bobby dreams of his beloved.


He offers her a neck to lick and nuzzle.

They Came, They Saw, They Fixed It

Why did no one tell me that 5 o'clock happens twice in a day? I had planned to get up at six for my two little men to come and put together my potting bench, but I was awake by 4.40 and gave up trying to sleep by 5.3o. So I was ready and waiting at 8am when they arrived BANG ON TIME!

They put my bench together in moments (no charge!) and then I heaved around a few pots so that I could fit everything in to a useful place.

The girls have been keen to escape every time I've opened the the door to their run - amazing when you consider that less than 3 weeks ago they had never even seen "outdoors". So after a quick run to the shops I settled myself on the patio and let them out.

They wasted no time. They investigated the patio and everything on it. I brought them a bowl of fresh fruit when I made some for myself, but apart from the cherries, it was mostly ignored. But then Daisy, the poorest little scrap, but the bravest, found her own worm among the leaf litter. Poppy chased her, but Daisy ran and hid till she'd finished her treat.

Daisy also went inside the conservatory (garden room) several times. But finally she hopped down the two steps into the garden proper, and before long she'd found the mother lode - the spot under the wild bird feeders where hundreds of worms are wriggling just below the surface.

Rosie eventually joined her. A few minutes ago, for no apparent reason, she went running up the garden at a speed I don't think even she knew she could achieve.

Poppy, meanwhile, has been rather more circumspect, and has settled between the coop and the fence. No extra adventures for her today.

Message from Bobby

Hey, Vixens, I thought you might find some of these poses sexy.

There's the unbuttoned jacket with a hand in the trousers pocket.


The hand to the mouth.


Oh, there's that hand-in-the-pocket thing again, combined with a lean.


Clicking my pen always seems to send you into paroxysms of delight.


Of course, the eyelashes and ears with another hand-to-mouth is guaranteed to work.


This one just came to me. I hope you like it.


I'm pretty sure this expression will melt all your hearts.

Well, that's all for now. Let me know if there are any other poses you'd like me to strike.

Love from Bobby.

Sparrow Fart

Yes, that wonderful hour of the morning when nothing sensible stirs.

This morning I rose at roughly that time to let out the hens. I fed the cats. I returned to my bed and slept for two more hours.

Tomorrow I will have to stay in the land of the living for the men to come and put together my potting bench.

For which I have no room, since buying the plastic storage box with the two right sides.

Watch this space.

(What space? If there's some space, I can put my potting bench in it!)

Ignore me at your peril

Let's face it, our faithful attention maximised the impact of the Hallmark Channel UK's contest to find the top L&O detective. Vincent even knows he won it (but that is someone else's story).

As they are repeating SVU from the beginning, I suggested that they might like to do the same for LOCI, especially the G/E episodes.

They ignored my email.

I sent another, repeating my suggestion, and stating my disappointment that they had not replied.

They ignored my email.

I sent a third, telling them that if they ignored me this time, I would not even bother to watch any further episodes, but would play my own copies to coincide. Neither would I watch anything on the channel ever again. I might even start to notify their advertisers of how they treat the viewers, and mention it on my much-read blog.

They were so scared - they ignored me.

Well, Hallmark, guess what? You need me a lot more than I need you. What is more, I call on all UK Vixens to bombard the channel with emails proposing the same idea of starting LOCI from One, and expressing your disgust at the way they ignore, and therefore alienate, loyal viewers.

Just go to hallmarkchannel.co.uk and click on Contact Us.

I'll be sending them the link to this post.

If you can't beat them - FUCK THEM!

The Considerate Detective

Bobby really knows how to make people feel happy.

My turn! Put your arm round me, Bobby!


Look at those legs!Look at the junction of those legs!


Hot? Yep, both of us, Detective. You, in both senses of the word.


Wonders: Now what can I do to make it up to Val?

Introducing...

...The Featherly Sisters!

Rosie is the boss. I now know the true meaning of "The Pecking Order".

She is the biggest bird by far, and the only one whose comb is erect.

Daisy is in the worst condition. She is smaller, with very little feathering, and Rosie dominates her ruthlessly. However, she is also the bravest about trying new things, and got first, second and tenth dibs on the lettuce leaves.

Poppy is intimidated by Rosie, and wants to bully Daisy, but she is more intrigued with following where Daisy leads.

Amazing how quickly their personalities have manifested themselves.

Lest We Forget

As if we ever could.


Bobby with his hand on a knob.

(I'd like to get my hands on his knob.)


Thinks: Is this woman made of stone?

And there the folder runs out - though I know I have the rest somewhere.

Chapter 4

Just posted it.

What a difference a day makes

Or even a few hours. And in some cases a few minutes.

Last night I made arrangements to collect the three remaining hens from the last rescue. They were kept behind because they had bruises and broken wings, and needed to recuperate in expert hands.

This morning, I carefully prepared the coop and run. First I covered the ground in chipped bark, then added two different kinds of wood chips (not quite sawdust). I put out some special feed for ex-battery hens to feed them up, filled a water container, put out a dish of grit and one of kitchen scraps. Then I scattered some corn around on the floor. In the nest box I put some straw.

I then got excitedly into my car and went the twenty minutes or so to the house of the woman who was caring for them.

They are in a sorry state, but it's already possible to see how much they must have improved. They are beginning to feather up, and are gaining movement in their wings as they mend. Apparently they couldn't even walk when they arrived, and didn't know how to forage, or even to cluck. The bruises are all but gone, and no longer seem to be causing pain.

So we gathered up Rosie, Poppy and Daisy and I brought them home. Within a few seconds, the pristine chicken run had been transformed into a jumble of bark, chips, food and grit as they kicked everything everywhere and foraged through it. Meanwhile, the water pot had filled with sawdust and I doubted the girls would ever find the water underneath.


I've been out here with them all afternoon, and the biggest excitement came when I found that some worms had invaded the bag of compost I opened to plant up my tomatoes. One by one, I fed them to the hens, and they were ecstatic. They are still rummageing around now hoping to find some more.

An Embarrassment of Riches

Oh-oh! He's doing the dip, Mr, you must be the perp.


Bobby concentrates on looking through the peep-hole as Val takes a shower.Just come in and join me!


One or two reasons why I like this picture, can't remember them now...


Is that all for me?


He's touching her! Unfair!Love his back, though.

Passed by a lot of groin pictures, but couldn't pass this one by.
Pa